Who would you cast in an Axe Cop movie?

I’m feeling a little adventurous so I’m going to give my zanier picks - I envision a madcap Axe Cop movie with the same combination of general absurdity and amazing, ridiculous cast as Mystery Men.

Axe Cop/Telescope Gun Cop - Timothy Dalton or maybe Elias Koteas in a dual role
Flute Cop - Reginald Veljohnson!!!
BabyMan - Bruce Willis or Ron Perlman
Pretzel-Head - David Cross
Uni-Man - I love the common suggestion of Will Macy, but how about Christopher Lloyd?
Leaf-Man - Doug Jones!
The Wrestler - Who else? Mickey Rourke

I think Bobcat Goldthwait could be an Eddie-Murphyish recurring actor who appears as multiple characters such as Rhino Man, Sockarang, Bad Santa, Good-Bad-Santa, etc.

Let’s hear your picks!

Awe, I was going to do this.

I love the Mystery Men idea, that would work perfectly with this.

I’d have to look in to actors, but if it were an animated movie (or just a cartoon), I always imagined Adam West doing the voice of flute cop pre-Dinosaur Soldier.

Liam Neeson for Axe Cop any day! Have you seen him in Taken? He was made for this role.

I forgot about him! Oh man, that is perfect.

Axe Cop: Pierce Brosnan
Flute Cop: Richard Riehle
Dinosaur Soldier: Gerard Butler (voice-over)
Bad Santa: Billy Bob Thornton
Sockarang: Jack Black

I like your pick for Flute Cop.

Heck yeah, dude! If you’re a fan of “Office Space”, you’ll know who he is.

Daniel Day Lewis! This guy was born to be Axe Cop. So much so, it would be an evil conspiracy were Axe Cop not turned into a movie starring him.

Definitely that guy from Office Space above for Flute Cop! Perfect!

How about a director?

This one is a toughie, but I’m thinking that with the serious-but-not tone of the comic, I’d have the Coen brothers take a whack at it.

dkolleth - 22 February 2010 10:30 PM

Axe Cop: Pierce Brosnan
Flute Cop: Richard Riehle
Dinosaur Soldier: Gerard Butler (voice-over)
Bad Santa: Billy Bob Thornton
Sockarang: Jack Black

That’s exactly who I wanted for Flute Cop but I couldn’t figure out his name. 

Though I really like the idea of Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing him too.

Ethan - 26 February 2010 10:20 PM

dkolleth - 22 February 2010 10:30 PM

Flute Cop: Richard Riehle

That’s exactly who I wanted for Flute Cop but I couldn’t figure out his name. 

Though I really like the idea of Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing him too.

Yanno, PSH is a bit younger, which could make the whole “They’re actually brothers” thing work a bit better. HOWEVER, You know who else would be AWESOME for Flute Cop? None other than Tom Selleck.

As far as Director goes, the Coen brothers couldn’t do it. They’d try to make it all “smart” and “sophisticated”, and frankly? That doesn’t fly for Axe Cop. Axe Cop is just balls-out awesome. My votes:

Guy Ritchie, for sure.
The Wachowski Brothers (for the awesome action scenes).
Martin Scorcese (if you want a grittier feel to it).

Also, best idea ever?

Uni-Man: Abe Vigoda.

TheAnswer42 - 26 February 2010 01:35 PM

How about a director?

This one is a toughie, but I’m thinking that with the serious-but-not tone of the comic, I’d have the Coen brothers take a whack at it.

The Coen Brothers? A possibility… and certainly better than most. However, I think there’s only one director who could perfectly nail the awesomeness of Axe Cop, the incongruency of the logic, and the flavor of the dialogue with near-perfect precision, while still remaining faithful to the source material: Quentin Tarentino.

If you need more convincing try this. Imagine you’re hearing this in a Tarentino film:

“I will chop your head off!”

Need I say more?

I thought Tarantino, but he likes to do a lot of dialogue, which just wouldn’t work with this. I thought the Coen brothers because they seem like they like to have a lot of fun with their movies.

dkolleth - 22 February 2010 10:30 PM

Axe Cop: Pierce Brosnan
Flute Cop: Richard Riehle
Dinosaur Soldier: Gerard Butler (voice-over)
Bad Santa: Billy Bob Thornton
Sockarang: Jack Black

Genius.
I had definitely pictured Jack Black playing Sockarang.

Many thanks, Rico-Chet.

As far as directors go, you know who actually might be able to pull off Axe Cop? This’ll probably sound odd, but why not John Woo?

Admittedly, I’m not terribly familiar with his work, but after a quick wiki, sounds like you could be right indeed.  I think the Wachowski brothers would be a good choice too (as you mentioned earlier).  There’s plenty of action sequences they’d have lots of fun with.